"But let judgment run down as waters, and righteousness as a mighty stream." (Amos 5:24)
This revelation is so powerful, that I cannot stop sharing it.
In 2008, I learned that I have been made the righteousness of God in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21).
What I did not learn, however, is that this righteousness does not leave me even if I sin, fall, fail, fall short, make a fool of myself, etc.
That was a lesson that has taken me so much longer to learn. I have been learning about this since at least 2012. I still remember reading an incredible document about this gift of righteousness when I was dining at a McDonald's in Venice, CA. It's amazing, and wonderful, how God grants me these wonderful memories!
Anyway, when I was working at the charter school in my aera, I continued to believe wrongly that I had to feel, think, wonder, have a mindset of a certain kind in order for God to be at work and to stay present with me.
I really believed this, and it created such bondage, such harm for me. No wonder my blood pressure was so high. I was so stressed, so busy trying to stay a good boy on the inside, not worrying about what other people would think of me.
And I was so empty, so tired at the end of the first semester as a teacher. I had thought that I had arrived. I had gotten everything that I needed, and yet I was so empty. There was so much striving going on inside of me, it was just awful.
And the other thing that I did not understand: God was always there with and for me, even when I was thinking bad thoughts, doing bad things, etc.
Why was I so overwhelmed? Because I was so busy trying to keep my thoughts clean and nice, and then I struggled with these blasphemous, perverse thoughts. How shameful they were. I did not understand the gift of righteousness at the time. This gift is not something that comes and goes with behavior. This is a gift which I receive, and KEEP RECEIVING! (Romans 5:17)
The other thing that I did not understand about the gift of righteousness: God is living in me and through me. He is not some impersonal force who is far, far away from me. He lives with me! He is providing all things to me that pertain to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3)! This is so awesome!
I was never meant to live life alone. I am not living life alone. In fact, He is my life! (Colossians 3:4)
Amen!
He is a vibrant, loving, never leaving Father! Thank you, Jesus, for being so patient with me. The pain that I was going through, the deception that I was in bondage to was so strong.
I have been made the righteousness of God in Christ, regardless of my feelings, thoughts, perceptions, perversions. Before I got saved, I never struggled with some of the painful, poisonous thoughts that I had begun thinking, especially after I had received a greater revelation of my righteousness in Christ.
What was going on? I did not understand that you cannot keep receiving the gift of righteousness but also trust or work in your flesh, in your self-effort to produce results. Life comes from Jesus, not from ourselves.
This revelation took me some time to understand. What was happening to me in 2008, in those earlier days when I was learning about my righteous standing in Christ Jesus? I was under law, trying to be a good boy through my efforts:
"But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence. For without the law sin was dead." (Romans 7:8)
This is what was happening. I was in the Romans 7 world, because I did not understand that I had been made the righteousnesss of God in Christ--and that that was a status that would never, ever go away! AMEN!
Jesus cannot leave me now because I have been so thoroughly cleansed by the blood of Jesus. I am so glad that I can write about these things. I now understand why I was struggling the way that I was struggling. Thank you, Jesus, for the never-ending, ever-flowing gift of righteousness!
"For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ. (Romans 5:17)
and
"But let judgment run down as waters, and righteousness as a mighty stream." (Amos 5:24)
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