The Debate In My Mind Has Ended for Good

  "Behold, ye fast for strife and debate, and to smite with the fist of wickedness: ye shall not fast as ye do this day, to make your voice to be heard on high." (Isaiah 58:4)

God does not want us to engage in endless debate, endless contention with others.

But what happens when you fall into endless debate with ... yourself?

That had been my lot for many years. It is amazing yet true, and I cannot back away from admitting it.

There was a war that was waging in my head for a long time. I would have these terrible thoughts, these recriminations of times past, of times to come, premonitions of what may happen, or what will happen in the future.

I had no rest in my mind. None whatsoever. I was convinced that I had to keep a lid on whatever was going on in my head, through my head, all the time.

This need to answer every threat, every bad word, every bad thought, I felt compelled to respond to it, as though it was true because I was thinking it. Unreal.

Today, I am set free. God did not call for us to debate, to argue, not with others, and not with ourselves, over endlessly resolved matters.

"But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes." (2 Timothy 2:23)

For the longest time, I was convinced that I had to quash every bad thought, that every thought had to be removed or in line with God and His goodness, or for some reason I would be lost, make a mistake, sin, or fall into a bad line of behavior.

For the longest time, this passage and its full blessings seemed to allude me:

"4(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;" (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)

God's Word is the answer. God's promises stand, regardless of what I am thinking of feeling. For the longest time, I used to think that the bad thoughts, the bad feelings had to be tamed in order for what God had promised to come true.

It's insane, yet oh so true.

I treated those terrible thoughts which welled in my head as if they were my own!

They were the fiery darts of the enemy! They were never my thoughts to begin with! None of them were! 

"Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked." (Ephesians 6:16)

All this time, I believed that I had to "do something" about those fiery darts. I did not realize that the shield of faith is as basic as recognizing that God is alive, God is real, and God is ever-present with me, regardless of how I feel.

All this time, I would condemn myself for having these thoughts, as thought they originated in me, or in my mind. I now recognize that they are lies, they are frauds, they are false evidences appearing real (FEAR), and therefore I ignore them entirely. I do not worry about what they may do, or whether they may appear in my mind.

There is no need for me to debate with the bad thoughts that I am thinking or feeling. God is my Father, I now live because of His Son, and His Spirit lives and flows through me. Because I recognize the concrete reality of His presence, I do not have to fear the feelings I may feel or the thoughts which may pierce my mind. There is no need to debate, there is no need to fight; therefore, I can enter into His rest (Hebrews 4:11)

What It Means to Rest in the Lord

"Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief." (Hebrews 4:11)

This revelation about God's rest is becoming more prominent for me.

For the longest time, I didn't understand what God's rest was all about.

Now I get it.

He is our life, He is our majesty, He is at work preparing all things for us.

He is actively at work in and around me. I do not have to conjure Him up, so to speak, or beg Him to start moving in my life.

In fact, He is our life!

"I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life." (John 14:6)

"Apart from me, ye can do nothing." (John 15:5)

and

"When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory." (Colossians 3:4)

But we have a hard time believing that. I know that I have had a hard time resting in that revelation.

He is actively at work behind the scenes. I do not have to keep myself up awake at night, covering all the bases and the angles. He is taking care of me. He has it all taken care of for me.

It's not a game. It's not a joke. His presence in my life is not based on what I am feeling or thinking.

It was all paid for, provided for when Jesus declared on the Cross "It is Finished!" (John 19:30)

For the longest time, I was still looking at my circumstances, at the people in and around me, or the activities and outcomes coming my way, and would then conclude whether I was doing the right thing or the wrong thing.

Crazy, but true. There was a great deal of unlearning I had to endure. Alcoholics Anonymous, the law-centered preaching of so many pastors, preachers, and teachers had done their damage for a long time.

For the longest time, I woke up every day as though the day depended on me. Nothing would or could get done without me. I really believed that I was on my own.

Jesus, You are the Way! You provided the path for me!

And all this time, I was constantly living in doubt, doubting myself, doubting what others were saying and doing, wondering what to do, what to say, or how to navigate through this life.

So, all these years, a sense of pressure, a sense of urgency, this constant sense of "pushing myself" was a mainstay in my life. I had to be my own internal scold to make sure that things were taken care of. I was constantly having to be hard on myself, because if I was not vigilant, then nothing would happen.

Wow! Talk about arrogant! But I admit it today. That is how I thought, that it was I felt, and that is often how I behaved. God has provided everything for me. He is prompting me with His will, His desires for me. It's so wonderful to realize, to finally understand that I am not, nor have I ever been alone in this world.

I have been taking my blood pressure for the last few days. I have steadily withdrawn, taken less lisinopril over the last eight months following my stroke. And now my blood pressure has decreased considerably more since I realized that I did not have to stoke or provoke outcomes through my own efforts. This is really quite something!

I can relax, and recognize that through God's grace, all things will be taken care of in due time. I don't have to stress or fret about timing, outcomes, and deadlines. He is at work in me, and He is making all things work together for my good! (Romans 8:28)