I was thinking about this in church last night -- this revelation came to me while I was worshipping my Father and His Beloved Son, reflecting on the good, the great, the best that He has been doing for me for the last ten years.
(This just goes to show that there is so much that we learn, that we receive when we go to church, so don't neglect to go!)
For years, I lived with a sense of intense frustration. I believed for the longest time that I had to free my mind, my thoughts, my emotions from fear, anger resentment, etc, so that God could work in me, so that He could guide me, lead me, communicate with me, etc.
A sense of dark, unremitting frustration clouded my life.
I kept trying to get out of a sense of fear, outrage, frustration. I used to think that God's blessings, God's favor in my life depended on how I was feeling, whether I was angry, afraid, fearful, whatever else.
I was still struggling with this for years afterwards. It's unreal the kind of crap I had put myself through.
I didn't understand how sinful the sin in our flesh remains. We can't get out of it just by wishing it away. And we don't have to.
God is still loving us, He is actively working in and through us regardless of how we feel. We may still lose our temper, we may still feel feelings of fear, regret, hate, upset.
But He still loves us!
"38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)
I never realized how intimate, how available Christ Jesus us in every aspect of life.
I used to think that I had to set up my mind a certain way so that I knew that He could work in, through, and with me.
I would get so wound up and frustrated when trying to teach a class. I would have bad or unhealthful sentiments, and I just struggled within and without to break free of these perversities. It made teaching hard classes even harder. What an internal war I was going through within my flesh.
Now I realize how much my Daddy God has been loving me, since the beginning!
I feel so much comfort, so much rest to know that He has been working behind the scenes on my behalf, and I am oh, so happy!