This is really astonishing, but very powerful and wonderful.
I know that the LORD is with me! I understand fully that He is present to me, and that there is nothing that can separate Him from me.
For the longest time, I believed these hollow lies, that I had to feel or think a certain way so that I know that God would be with me, would be present to me. That sense of loneliness, that orphan spirit was strong with me, and I would just panic like crazy if I started struggling with negative, bitter, sad, or perverse thoughts.
It was absolute madness, and it was really painful.
Thank you Jesus, that now I understand that YOU ARE GOING NOWHERE.
You never disappeared from me. You have always been present to me, with me, through me, and for me!
"What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)
This is a done deal! I do not have to do something, say something, keeping thinking or feeling something in order for Him to be with me, for me, through me.
Jesus, it's not about me. It's never been about me. You have always been ready, present, available, accountable, asking for me to reach out to You to ask You to help me.
All this time, You wanted me to reach out to you!
This incredible revelation reminds me of Gillian Shen and her testimony for TrueLove.Is:
Yes, He found me! He found us! We were lost, not Him! This is amazing!
All this time, I kept thinking that I had to have a certain posture. The truth is that You have always been here, You do not go away. I do not have to think or feel differently. You are not going anywhere, and I cannot get away from You! I LOVE YOU, LORD!
"8If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
10Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me." (Psalm 139:8-10)
I kept thinking that I had to do something. I know that I keep writing this revelation as if it means something new, but there it is. It IS something new, for me! This is a massive change for the better for me! I do not have to "come back to" Him when I sin, fall, or fail. I am not trying to keep my feelings or thoughts in check. I cannot be separated from Him!
Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Beloved Savior, for being so patient with me! Indeed:
"Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?" (Romans 2:4)
What is really cool for me, that I am really trying to appreciate, to put into words, I suppose, is that I do not have to use my mind to "hunt" for God, to feel His presence anymore. I know that He is here. I know that He is going nowhere. I know that wherever I go, He is already there. Amen!