Chang Tou Chen shared an incredible testimony for TrueLove.Is. Click on this link to view the video.
He mentions at the outset "I had a great childhood. I didn't suffer any physical or sexual abuse, but I noticed at age 7 that I was curious about guys."
Then he shares that he was looking a picture of a bare-chested male, and he ejaculated. He sensed that this reaction was abnormal, but he did not understand why he reacted the way that he did, and why his curiosity about males grew rather than receded.
If he did not suffer abuse, why was he drawn to males? Why did he engage in so much sexual profligacy with other males for decades?
I asked God for an answer to this question, since it's important for individuals to understand that same-sex temptations are born from something broken, deviant, or dysfunctional in our thinking and believing.
I found the answer when I listened to his podcast discussion on "Yah Lah, But ..." with Pastor Ng
Tou Chen (who now goes by the name David) acknowledged toward the end of the interview that he was very bitter toward his mother. Wow!
Bitterness is a very serious problem, and it produces sexual perversion.
The writer of Hebrews shares:
"14Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: 15Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; 16Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright." (Hebrews 12: 14-16)
First, we are invited to follow peace with all men. Second, the writer exhorts us to pay close attention, to ensure that we do not fail, or come short of (fall from) the grace of God, i.e. that we stop living a life depending on God for everything, and start living a life in which we trust and depend on our own efforts and planning.
When people fall from grace, a "root of bitterness" springs up, it troubles us, and we become defiled, dirty, and thus we become sexually perverted ("fornicators").
People will start to fall into sexual perversion, whether homosexual or heterosexual, when they fall from grace and start depending on their efforts. How does this engender bitterness, though?
What is bitterness? That sense of hurt and anger which results when we see ourselves trying in our might, trying our hardest to accomplish certain goals and obtain desired outcomes, and those efforts come to naught; whereas in contrast, we notice people who are not trying nearly as hard, and yet the obtain everything that we want, and more.
We become bitter towards others when we are trying to obtain their favor with our efforts, and yet they still do not seem to love us or provide for us what we want. This example reminds me of what Tou Chen possibly went through himself.
Hence, he got physically attracted and attached to other males. I do not know the whole story, but I would imagine that she was abusive or very demanding of her son, and that caused him to feel deep bitterness. Who knows, but that issue of bitterness is very serious, and it induces sexual perversion of many kinds. Notice also that falling from grace causes a "root" of bitterness, which indicates that the causes for sexually profligate behaviors is much deeper than many people often recognize or realize. The fact that the causes for same-sex desire are not apparent helps explain why many people just resign themselves to those same-sex temptations and declare "I guess I was born this way."
This issue of bitterness also manifested with Raphael Zhang. He candidly shared in his very personal tesimony that he was very bitter toward his father. His mentor, Jason, encouraged him to see things from his father's perspective as a means to overcome that bitterness. Still, the point remains: bitterness induces sexual temptations and perverse behavior. I also recall Karen Lee's testimony, in which she declares at the outset, following the sexual abuse she suffered from a stranger: "Why didn't God help me? Why wasn't my Dad there to protect me?" That sense of upset produces bitterness, too.
Hopefully, revelations like this will help more people to "Come Out, Come Home", that they do not have to feel any sense of shame or self-condemnation because they struggle with these issues. In fact, by having a clearer diagnosis for what is ailing individuals struggling with same-sex temptations, they can receive the blessed antitode: "Let us have grace" from God through Christ Jesus (Hebrews 12:28).