Many pastors impose a sense of demand on men:
"You need to love your wives, just as Christ loves the church!"
What they neglect to inform the man is that the husbands themselves are members of the same church!
Husbands need to be informed that Christ loves them!
"We love him, because he first loved us." (1 John 4: 19)
We love because God first loved us! We love because Jesus loves us!
That is the place where men find the strength and capacity to love their wives.
Paul did not write to husbands to love their wives because they deserve it, but as Christ loved the Church. There wasn't even a church until Jesus died on the Cross for us in the firs tplace!
As a reminder, we did not deserve the love which Jesus showed us at the Cross:
"8But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. 9Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. 10For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life. 11And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement." (Romans 5: 8-11)
And He still loves!
"For it is evident that our Lord sprang out of Juda; of which tribe Moses spake nothing concerning priesthood. 15And it is yet far more evident: for that after the similitude of Melchisedec there ariseth another priest, 16Who is made, not after the law of a carnal commandment, but after the power of an endless life." (Hebrews 7: 14-16)
Jesus is our High Priest Forever, and in Him we receive the gift of righteousness and the abundance of grace (Romans 5: 17)
The more that husbands meditate on how much Jesus loves them, in every direction (Ephesians 2:16-19), the more that they can love their wives.